“Enemy” is a very fantastical term, don’t you think?
It might call to mind images of movie villains, or characters from stories you’ve read. The word enemy is undoubtedly charged with that language. Though, maybe it also makes you think of something a little more close to home: An old school bully, someone who betrayed you (another charged word), or even an ex who things didn’t end well with.
I think you shouldn’t harbor those enemies in your home. What does that mean?
For many people, they keep toxic entities in their lives. This could be in a physical form, such as friends or contacts online, but it could also be in a mental or emotional form. Your home is your mind, and these people might be staying rent-free!
That said, I am not an expert, and this article is NOT a replacement for professional help. If you have abusive people in your life or suffer from severe mental and emotional issues, please consider consulting a professional.
For many, though, Resolving the negative feelings you hold for your enemies and removing that label of “enemy” can do wonders for your mind. It releases you from their influence, frees space in your mind, and keeps you from losing energy!
Determine your Enemies and Watch Them!
Yes, to figure out how your enemies are holding you back, you have to know who your enemy is first.
I held onto the idea for a very long time that a seventh-grader was my enemy. Someone who I hated with every fiber of my being was a seventh-grade bully!
Likewise, you might be clinging to a past figure that affected you. They could be a father who left, a bully from school, or an ex from what feels like another life. The enemy could also be someone still close to you. A “friend” who is actually toxic as hell or a parent or step-parent.
Then, you have to label them before the label can be removed. This is similar to therapists having you name an emotion. The label gives you a target and truly defines the things you feel about someone. It brings clarity.
It might take time to figure out who these people are, so follow these steps to help:
Step 1: Write down the people you avoid interacting with or speaking to. They are prime targets for being enemies. Include negative interactions with them and how you feel afterward, if possible.
Step2: Think about the people that you can genuinely say you HATE. Not just mild annoyances, but people you can roast for hours and feel like you haven’t said enough.
Step 3: Watch out for those you think actually ARE out to get you. I don’t mean people who seem like they don’t like you, but those who obviously don’t and act on it. This could range from people who push work on you to make your life harder or people who blame you for things you didn’t do.
Take Back your Energy
Now that you’ve found your enemies, people you very much hate, put a label on them. Enemy. If you do this, you’ll have two essential parts: the labeled target and the defining reasons why they are being labeled.
Now, you have to let that go. It sounds weird that you spent all that time giving them a label when you’re just going to get rid of it, I know. Hear me out, though.
Until you know what’s holding you down, you can’t let it go. Once it’s clear, you can work to get rid of these attachments. Here are a few ways you can try and let go of your enemies.
Talk it out- No one likes confronting their demons, but talking to the person might do some good. Maybe they didn’t know they were causing you trouble. Miscommunication is painfully common these days. It could be that they feel the same way, and you can cut off ties cleanly and without either of you left feeling bitter and unresolved.
Learn and Let Go- of your past, of course. Many of us, I included, cling to the past. We burn a lot of energy by being angry at someone who may not even be around anymore. Remember the phrase “living in your head rent-free?” It’s very real and a big problem. Go through your past with a fine-tip comb and learn all you can from it, then let it go. That enemy can’t hurt you any longer once you do.
Burn your Bridges- Not everyone deserves to stay in your life. Sometimes you need space before you can heal. Time is a miracle cure, after all. To get that time, you should burn all the bridges to your enemy that you can. Don’t try to hurt them in the process. You should be as calm and respectful as you can while removing them from your life. This means social media, phone numbers, related friends you might have, and activities you do together.
Find your own space, and don’t let them in. Your mind is your home, and you should treat it with care.
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